maybe it's time to actually start to listen to my brain instead of what i am keen of. i should focus on the realistic side of life, instead of just day-dreaming of would-be or ifs.

whats wrong with me now, i must and have to study, not day dream. not wasting my thoughts on stupid, foolish, unrealistic things.

it's time to buck up, and give it my all for this year.

and by next year, i'll be alright and not do things that are unacceptable by social standards.

ugh, why bother writing this in the first place.

foolish foolish me.

i hope you see this, but i know you never will, and even if you do, you won't understand. sighh.

THATS ALL.

ugh. as im typing, im having my noodles.

sheesh. i know im not suppose to use the com. but my dad didn't switch off the guest account. i can't resist.

anyway! guess what?

i failed SS. omg. like 3/25 can? not proud of it. cause apparently i wrote the wrong thing for the wrong question. and mdm wahidah said that '' you're too confused!''

LOL.

so yea, geog's not back yet. but i think i'll fail.

anyway my L1R4 just from CAs alone. is already 24 pts. omg.

thats L1R4 only. i can't imagine counting all six subs.

i think i'll have to study hard! and i think my mum won't let me out during the march hols.

-too lazy to reply tags, and relink and stuff.

anyway! i shall limit myself to using the com maximum twice a week. and that includes weekends.

aww. shucks. i have to adapt myself to self-discipline.

cause my grades sucks. and my mum will never understand that n to o is a huge jump. she'll just go on about it isn't an excuse cause i've got truckloads of tuitions. and yes, it isn't an excuse. but im so tired!

even redbull doesn't help anymore. much less coffee.

oh screw my grades. it's only the CA and im already doing so badly. wth right!

i should focus on my studies, i should i should.
ugh, somethings aren't meant for me.

thats all!

omg.

my mum was so irritating today.

nevermind. the bottom line is that, i won't get to use THIS computer. so i'll use my sis's instead.

and she's blocking this computer's account.

oh, and no more going out for me. =(

so the entire deal is that i'll only use the com on week ends. prolly for and hour. sighh. that is after i left the table whilst i was having my breakfast. i think she knew i got angry. i mean i can't study 24/7 can i?

anyway, just now after speedlight, i went to have lunch with my cousin and tab. and omg, while i was having my tom yam thing, there was like four bees flying around me?? omg omg omg.

and i bear with all the flying, refusing to budge. hoping that they'll go away. but hell no, the didn't they just continued to fly around me. sigh. so i left with my half eaten noodles.

and i think i just developed a phobia, of bees. i keep seeing them flying around me.

omg.

anyway till the end if the week. tata!

graciee is a funny weird violent person. LOL. always hugging people randomly in NTUC fairprice. =))

hie all!!

know what? i didn't grow darker today after my tanning outing. and i gave my happy meal toy to pris cause apparently it's called mui-two from pokemon. and it walks in a weird way.

omg, what a random entry.

my watch! i bought a new white watch! wanted to get the gold one, but the face of that watch isn't nice.

and after i walk out the shop with my new 9.90 watch, i realise the face of that watch, sticks out. how weird.

anyways! all diary-xers. read the forum already?

they said tentatively d-x is going to close down by march '06. LOL.

somehow im glad i switched to blogger.

=)

loveloves.

im so tired, after a day of fun. so tired to do my homework.

wheee.

in you're eyes, im just someone that you meet on the way. thats all.


pamela, yawn. says:
gracie. miss pri 6 you know?? i miss ms wee and her wiggy hair. i miss KCP. i miss KCP's food. i miss DIA. i miss ce6. i miss post-PSLE times.
pamela, yawn. says:
SIGHHHHHHHH
xiao didi [ http://xiaodidi-.blogspot.com/ ] says:
LOL
xiao didi [ http://xiaodidi-.blogspot.com/ ] says:
you miss miss wee and her wiggy hair? HAHA
xiao didi [ http://xiaodidi-.blogspot.com/ ] says:
yar.. same pammie
pamela, yawn. says:
HAHAH
xiao didi [ http://xiaodidi-.blogspot.com/ ] says:
pri 5 - 6 was the best year of my life

haha it's so easy to add images in blogger! :D

btw thats just a random photo.

grr, i can't find my camera. so i'll use my phone cam for later. waste of mms. =|

tata! swimmingswimming.

=)

i think too much, many retarded thoughts just can't leave my mind. wth.

i think i got over the previous post. haha, come to think of it, why did i even get angry? just cause if the correction tape?

ok wth, you know how i'll get if my correction tape does rubbish.

wth. anyways! yesterday till now, everything felt like a dream. doesn't mean that i'm elated over anything but i mean i feel as if i'm not feeling anything.

even when i was doing my teeth. haha, all that agony, i can't feel it.

anyways, two days ago, mrs lim was like complaining about our class and all that jazz, was kind of expecting more coming from miss wong, but haha, she was really cool about it. she's so nice. =)

and, after that i got my tooth filled up, it had that bitter pain feeling. makes me feel icky. and then i took cab home to have tuition. and my maid! she threaten to call my mum just cause i wasn't home on time. .......

and then today! omg omg omg. fyi, i slept at 11.30 ytd. one of the earliest time i've slept since last week started. and guess what time i woke up? ok first i woke up at 5.30 cause i heard my dad returning from the airport. then i fell back to sleep, and woke up at 6.55am. WTH. 6.55????

and sooo i intended to take a taxi down to school, but wth, no cab. and when there's a cab -finally-, 13 came.

got off school at 7.23am. and when i got to the gate the damning prefect said we were all late, the effing clock showed 7.26am.

like WTH right?? i can't have possibly took 3 mins to get down the bus and walk that short distance can i? omgs.

so yea, when we were standing at the side, and singing the anthem. miss tan tried to get us to sing, by singing. hahahaha. and my friend, laughed at miss tan. haha omg, she didn't try to even stifle her laughter can? she just laugh out REALLY loudly. haha. so obviously miss tan shouted at her. something i've never seen before.

anyways after school, ok not, me and phina took our free-period to do our DC. and since i used two pens to write my lines, i did it faster, got really bored, so we started to do the qns behind the rough paper. and mr karib couldn't answer the qns! haha. cause apparently he was dozing off. :D

met xianny and we took bus, while she drop at her tuition place i dropped off at TM int. gosh, kong seriously has no sense of direction. :D

met marillwu. and we met grace and then kelvin met us. hahahaha.

we watched i not stupid too!!! hahahah. finally!

it's a super nice show, one of the best singapore flims ever produced. i cried! gosh. it's nice ok, i think i'll go get the dvd when it's out. won't mind watching it again. =)

so yea in the end i didn't get my cup corn! how sad.

bought chips and we all left for home.

blah. i miss the internet! :D my dad's home so i got my com back. shall go watch depserate housewives now. tata!

btw, English CA marks was so disappointing. the entire CA was disappointing. whatever.

im so effing. pissed.

now, before you continue reading all the shit that i'll gonna type. i suggest you to stop reading if you're gonna comment nonsense about this entry. cause im pissed off and im not thinking straight.

anyway,

i was just doing my lit prepration for the CA just now, and my table was so damning messy. so it was close to impossible to study w/o everything getting in the way. moreover my damn correction tape dropped on the floor and the damn shithead thing broke. so i can't use it.

and im trying to finish up on karib's work now, and omg the correction tape shit spoilt my mood. so i decided to blog out my anger before i explode.

fuck all this stress, freak school. i don't get this.

whats the damn point of studying????? omg. wtf.

and omg, i've got so much tuitions that i don't have time to actually SLEEP. gosh. and i can still blog. WOW, ironic isn't it.

omg. omg omg. i swear i'll be as mad as anything.

wtf did i end up in freaking NA.

sometimes i wish i ended up in NT. at least it's easier.
but then again, couldn't i have done better and got into express, so by now my stress and all is OVER.

but wth? i had to be put in freaking effing lousy NA.

at least im glad i've got a great motivating class.

wtf. i'm so tired. so tired. so tired.

im sick of essays after essays, chinese after chinese.

the jump from sec 4n to sec 5n is so so huge. so huge. that it's so effing hard to cope.

wth. and im not the only one i know, but why does it seem as if im the only one whose complaining? maybe other ppl can cope but i can't.

wth. why they can cope and i can't?

wtf.
wtf.

i hate tuitions. i can't wait till chinese o's are over. so i don't have to read a single chinese word out of my will EVER. gosh. another reason why JC isn't my top piority.

gosh.

everyone says o levels is easy.
easy my foot.
the process is hard.

moreover, my command of English is dropping. wth. not to mention my chinese.

ugh. i want to do well for my os to beat my cousins, i swear. i really want to beat one of my ''aunties'' she's so effing smart. she studies everyday. she's in triple science. GOSH..

I WISH I WAS IN TRIPLE SCIENCE.

that way, i can focus on my science. and have more subs to choose from.

ironic isn't it, that i dropped home ec. but my amount of stress is greater then other ppl.

it's a wonder how they cope. i should totally learn from them.

wtf.

life sucks now, everything seems wrong.

wth am i still blogging for? i should get some sleep.

ugh.

monday-english tuition
tuesday- chinese ''
wed- math ''
thurs- bio ''
friday- effing odac that i want to quit.
sat- chem tuition
sun- church day. the only that i look forward too. pity sundays fly pass the fastest. :(

ugh. tuition everyday.
studying everyday.

whats the damn point??? i study so hard, in the end? i still fail.

what more i HAVE to do well.

why? the pressure coming from my family, my relatives. my tutors. myself. my damn self.

wtf.

i think im paranoid.

told you to ignore this entry, it's so useless.

i feel so useless.

ugh.

i think im paranoid.

wtf, am i studying for??? what is the point?? gosh.

ugh.


yawn. i want a long holiday, so that i can take my own sweet time to catch up with the class.

i want to pon school and stay home.
ugh. as if i can.

ahhhhhhhhh i hate this year SO BAD.

ugh. it's mid-feb already and i haven't adapted YET. wth? it's it a tad bit late already? by now i should have been all ready and all to study.

wth. im so paranoid.

gosh. i can't stand myself sometimes.

moreover some things that ppl said is affecting me, some stuffs thats on my mind that im not s'pose to think of, esp this year, is affecting me too.

UGHH

i'll swim my troubles away.

i can't wait for friday, sat, sunday.

im not gg for odac this fri! watching movie.
sat after tuition, i'll go swimming,

sunday is church day. oh yeas.

..

know what, i'm gonna cancel ALL my tuitions during the march hols. all of it except maybe chinese, that old bitch will not let me cancel. screw her old smelly cheena brains.

freak.

i think im getting too vulgar.

ohhh no.

i think im turning mad.

bye.

Can't believe that I'm the fool again
I thought this love would never end
How was I to know?
You never told me
Can't believe that I'm the fool again
And I, who thought you were my friend
How was I to know?
You never told me

oh screw you pris, you got that song playing in my head over and over. =)

my chinese tutor is late! which means i'll have to end tuition later then usual. gosh.

my aunty is coming for dinner later!! *squeals.*

btw! my sis turns 18 today!! =)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISSY! I LOVE YOU MANY!

i should focus on my studies, nothing else but God and my studies.
and why am i not doing that?
i just can't stop thinking about irrelevant stuffs.

I should've seen it coming
I should've read the signs
Anyway...I guess it's over

ugh.

one of my friends actually think that vectors is fun. gosh.

anyway, SS test tml. and wth am i doing online?

and oh im so screwed up, i lost one of the ear piece cover thing. shits, anyone any idea where to buy???? urgent.

yawn.

i've got tuition later, and what am i doing online?

hmp. was suppose to stay in school to do my work and then leave for tuition. but wth. my period came! at the worst possible time, during English test!!! =(

it felt so weird. so i came home! haha.

and English CA was so terrible, i think i just flunked it

ok wth, weird entry.
anyway my homework is piling up so high. so sick and tired of having tuitions, tuitions and more tuitions.

and school is such a drag. boring.

ugh, it suddenly occurred to me that i've got chinese tuition tomorrow?? omg, i swear, i hate her to the utter core. she can't teach for goodness sakes.

all she does is : yan yu this yan yu that.

it's HORRIBLE.

and all my tuitions last for two hours each. sheesh. i so hate this.

just checked my johari and i realised that i don't have a facade. hmm, are my emotions that open to everyone?

i can't stand this vicious cycle, it's so monotonous, it's so boring.
i need colours in my life.

im so free sometimes to do those unnecessary things, that i wonder how i actually spend my time. ironic.

i want to sleep and skip tuitions. my CAs are so screwed up. i miss the holidays so bad.

AH it's the pms lah.

LOOOOONG POST. you can choose to leave it or not to. =) *lovelove!*

wow. today's cell was awesome. really.

i did something that i can never imagine i would do. will elaborate on that later. anyway cell was good cause the behind part? Ernie and Jac both did the song thing. and yea many of us broke down. i mean i got to lower my pride at least to apologise for something. hmm. and tab did it too! so proud of her! *pats pats*

and yea about the end, i just felt really horrible. i felt so disgusted by the way i was feeling, by what i did to her. i decided that i should stop all that. SO. i've decided to like stop bitching about her. but old habits die hard. so give me some time to change. cause you know i feel utterly horrible about all this. since last year's camp till now.

hmm now, if you all are like wondering about what's my point and all? well ok, i'll be honest. this entire year, i've been quite pissed off at myself for acting so nice infront of her, but bitching behind her back. cause of my complaints and all. and it would not be so bad if she was equally mean to me, or that i wasn't acting nice to her at all. but the point is that i behaved as if i was the no. 1 bestest person on earth. but behind her i was just complaining away.

and yea, im a proud person, i never took a step back to see how much i've hurt her (if she knew what i did -almost everyday) i just happily went on with my business to complain and complain. but yea, today when we knelt down before our Lord. i realised, that maybe i've gone overboard. she tried to be nice to me. but was i nice to her? HELL NO. ok maybe, infront of her. but behind her? i was against her. gosh. i feel like such a backstabber already. ok no, i am one already.

so obviously i sat there and thought and thought, the more i think, the worse i felt. and we were given a good 30mins to think about all the hurt in our lives. to others it was the way people treated them. but to me? it was guilt. plain guilt. i don't want to sound so noble here to say that, oh i want to have a clear conscience and all. but thats not the point. it's cause i felt SO BAD. SO SO BAD. everytime i say something bad about her, i feel so bad. but ironically i can happily go on and complain.

ok i shall stop rambling. and get on with it. so yep. after the entire thing. tab and me got to a conclusion that we should apologise. so i started! (yay*) i was like : i want to apologise to seraphina, cause although she doesn't know it, i've been like ''complaining'' behind her back time and time again, and i feel this huge sense of guilt in me. and i should let her know. so yep, sorry phina. i haven't been that good friend whom you have been so nice to so far. =(

honest. im sorry, and i'll try to cut down on that complaints, and hence stop. yep.

---

HAHAHA. got it all out. know how much better i feel????? like SO MUCH better. =)

oh! tab apologised to naz too! it was funny. hahahaahahha.

---

on a lighter note. marill is watching i not stupid with me on friday!!! for $6 if i got it right! :D yay. although she watched it already. thanks babe!

AND IRENE IS GETTING MARRIED!!!! and im invited. haha. btw. irene was my colleague back in chocolate box. and she's getting married!! she'll be the first friend i have whose getting married. =)

now what should i get for her?

---
oh my dad's flying off to china tomorrow. =(
dang irritating.

thats all.

speedlight today, was awesome too!! loves*

call upon the name of The Lord, and be saved,
call upon the name of The Lord, and be saved.
i'll never know how much it cost, to see my sin upon that cross.

oh gosh, i've been blogging or dolling up my blog incessantly for the whole of today. sheesh. i have to stop, it's becoming an addiction.

anyway i didn't do any work today. not proud of it. but i loved it. ahahaha. it's the nicest break all week!

hmm, anyways i've been thinking of not going for ODAC as much as i use to. cause it's so tiring, and i've lost interest in rock-climbing, and im not a fan of dragon boating either.

yesterday's rock climbing was so mad. i couldn't climb up a full wall. the only one i could do was the one i did last time. which doesn't help much cause i had major blisters on my hands. which was so terrible since i loved rock climbing. but after yesterday? i decided to not put on anymore muscles cause it's terribly unsightly on a girl.

anyways read the newpaper? if im not wrong, the show 'i not stupid too' is for $6 only! for students that is. monday-friday before 5pm. next week. ugh. no one wants to watch it with me though.

was searching campus superstar. and found this.

Geraldine - 1st superstar with a unique 'male/female' positioning. Guys or gals, who can resist Geraldine?

Teresa - all guys want to bring home to protect. Bland.

Khim - wonderfully masculine but too young for her age.

In short - Geraldine is HOT.

LOL.

alrights. im so bored with blogging. till next time.

links.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=pamela!! thats the positive one.
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=pamelac this is the negative one.

do it for me please? thanks loads.

if you haven't notice, i've changed the layout (3times today) and i guess this one will stay on for a while.

=) there's cell tomorrow and i'm not done with the book i borrowed last week.

so many things to do and why am i online?

coincidence?

heya. did a new layout. it's the cookies thing.

anyway i don't like this layout, cause everything is so pale and small. sheesh. i'll change it next time. moreover if d-x is up, i might just change back. we'll see.

anyway! i ordered a tee via juliana from a girl, and my, what coincidence, she's from my church. hmm. it'll be weird wearing her tee in church now would it.

haha. whatever then.

---

didn't do much work today. had chem tuition and then i was online for the rest of the day. sheesh.

my dads coming home later! can't wait. =)
*loves.

gothic looking thing

ah. template is up. it's plain and all. but whattheheck. anyway! the tagboard is on the fat side. how irritating. im scared to edit the width thing tho. cause im afraid of ruining the html. grr.

and then i'll have to re-edit the whole thing.

hmm, juli says there is a gothic looking toy on my layout. but i can't see it.

argh.

i'll re-do.

thats all. COLOURS! blogger has it's perks huh.

http://amorality.livejournal.com/97618.html

juli gave me this link, im interested in runtboy and patches. cause both are equally cute and all. awwww..

anyway d-x is still down. how irritating. i'll probably switch to blogger then. sigh. what a waste of my time.